I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
Randomize
