That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
Randomize
