I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
Randomize
