I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
I miss vodka workout Fridays
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Randomize
