my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
Randomize
