That's when you crack a 10am beer
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
Randomize
