All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
I have tasted many bathrooms
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
Randomize
