Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
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