Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
