its not stalking. its research.
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
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