Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
Randomize
