what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
Randomize
