i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
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