quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
Randomize
