I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
