I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
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