I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
Why are your pants in the freezer?
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
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