I think I just saw someone hide a body.
I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
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