were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
im on a boat
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