I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
i hope someone procrastinates by putting up the pics up...
sarah said she can't even post all of hers due to facebook indecency rules
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
Randomize
