I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
I'm up to 9 pic of different guys. I need 4 more boys and each one of the 13 to submit 3 additional pics. I wanna make a penis deck of cards.
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
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