How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
Randomize
