maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
Randomize
