I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
Randomize
