Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
Randomize
