Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
Randomize
