If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
I'd cum for enchiladas.
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
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