He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
Randomize
