My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
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