Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
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