Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
Sober January is a disaster.
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
Randomize
