Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
We left the knife in your bed.
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Randomize
