One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
Randomize
