There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
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