You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
Randomize
