I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
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