There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
i just made my gag reflex go away.
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
Dating After Heartbreak
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
These Images Prove Chrissy Teigen is the Funniest Model Alive
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha