god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Randomize