We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
I'm gonna fight the coyote
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does