My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
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i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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