Texts From Last Night

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  (805): View more from California

  So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair

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  (805): So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair http://tfl.nu/hci6
  Replies (9) Good night (2018) Bad night (666)
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  (305): View more from Florida

  Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:

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  (305): Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D: http://tfl.nu/t26u
  Replies (12) Good night (2549) Bad night (905)
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  (402): View more from Nebraska

  Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.

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  (402): Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little. http://tfl.nu/w7gx
  Replies (31) Good night (1056) Bad night (3110)
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  (630): View more from Illinois

  Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.

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  (630): Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself. http://tfl.nu/vif9
  Replies (55) Good night (11289) Bad night (1673)
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  (561): View more from Florida

  Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.

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  (561): Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade. http://tfl.nu/fybc
  Replies (77) Good night (786) Bad night (7460)
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  (925): View more from California

  Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.

  (1-925): View more from California

  If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.

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  (925): Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often. (1-925): If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough. http://tfl.nu/t59l
  Replies (1) Good night (1666) Bad night (850)
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  (716): View more from New York

  As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."

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  (716): As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is." http://tfl.nu/8j8j
  Replies (34) Good night (6028) Bad night (1488)
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  (615): View more from Tennessee

  That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.

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  (615): That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly. http://tfl.nu/01h2
  Replies (7) Good night (2028) Bad night (692)
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  (530): View more from California

  TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.

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  (530): TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG. http://tfl.nu/gtt9
  Replies (6) Good night (2666) Bad night (969)
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  (262): View more from Wisconsin

  Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.

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  (262): Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy. http://tfl.nu/dejh
  Replies (7) Good night (1870) Bad night (1009)
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  (805): View more from California

  Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.

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  (805): Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered. http://tfl.nu/wect
  Replies (8) Good night (2047) Bad night (559)
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  (423): View more from Tennessee

  I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.

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  (423): I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay. http://tfl.nu/or95
  Replies (2) Good night (961) Bad night (312)
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  (317): View more from Indiana

  That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.

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  (317): That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT. http://tfl.nu/8h80
  Replies (4) Good night (1234) Bad night (385)
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  (716): View more from New York

  HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?

  (716): View more from New York

  By the way, you're banned for life.

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  (716): HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR? (716): By the way, you're banned for life. http://tfl.nu/8d5l
  Replies (2) Good night (644) Bad night (410)
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  (310): View more from California

  He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then

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  (310): He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then http://tfl.nu/yowr
  Replies (3) Good night (557) Bad night (482)

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