its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
Randomize
