she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
I think I just sharted jello shots
Randomize
