She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
i was looking up hair salons in ithaca for the wedding and one is a hair salon/ sake bar! you can have sake or champagne while you get your hair done!
question, how would one sake-bomb while getting hair done without getting a horrible haircut?
Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
Randomize
