As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
Randomize
