we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
Randomize
