I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
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Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
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I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
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