She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Randomize
