I can tuck mytits in my pants
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
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