there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
got a scholarship and a hot psych teacher. hello spring 2010
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
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