i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
Randomize
