we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
