Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
Randomize
