I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
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