I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
i always forget guys have bellybuttons
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
Randomize
