I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
Randomize
