We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
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