I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
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He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
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Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
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