Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
Randomize
