I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
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