You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
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