its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
Randomize
