I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
cat food counts as protein by the way
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
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