things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
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