White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
