We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
Randomize
