I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
Randomize
